Nixon Compass Beanie - $14.95

The Nixon Women's Compass Beanie dials in the warmsy style while you find your bearings among the testosterone-infused man-apes at the local watering hole. When one such creature can't help but approach your space, drooling like a lobotomy patient perched before a black-and-white TV blaring reruns of Geraldo on a constant loop, use your snappy cap to distract his penile mind while you run for safety out-of-doors. - $14.95